Friday, September 2, 2011
A PARENTING STYLE TO AVOID….
Read an interesting article in the North GA News. I had saved it for later and I think it will fit well here since I posted about parenting in my last post. Our local High School counselor, Dr Ray Ashurst Ph. D, wrote it. He is in a place where he might see this behavior displayed to prove his facts. It has some good information we can use to benefit parenting skills and bring a freedom on your part and for those you have the tendency to “Hover Over”. Take it as a lesson in “The School of Parenting”…
THE HELICOPTER PARENT….
Helicopter parents are easy to spot. They hover, like helicopters, over their children from birth through adolescence, and sometimes longer. The child can feel the parent’s over-protected behavior and later in life becomes angry at what the well-meaning parent has done. The parent closely guards every word, thought, emotion, and behavior of the child, and the sad result is that the parent “strangles” the emotional and mental growth of the child. The child is not allowed to know who he is because the parent is always interfering and trying desperately to aim the child in the “way of the parent” and not permitting the child or teenager to develop, grow and make mistakes. Schools and churches witness the hovering parent all the time and can only shake their heads in unbelief at the domineering parent.
There is a natural development that all children have the right to go through; and for the most part, the child will do just fine in life. However, when the hovering parent comes into the picture, the natural development is closed off, and the child grows up being a mommy’s boy or daddy’s girl rather than an adult in an adult society. Thus, the child is crippled for life because the helicopter parent has squashed the individuality of the child.
The hovering parent will not own up that the child has done any wrong; the blame is placed on society, the church and the school. Heaven forbid that the child must face the consequences of his actions; the child ends up being a total brat and a royal pain to be associated with. The child goes through life believing that the parent is going to bail him out of trouble and the tragedy is that the parent does try.
The hovering parent continues to change the child’s emotional and mental diapers when the child is long into adolescence, or adulthood. The hovering parents have an inner need to have the child be like them, and of course to be accountable for one’s behavior. The parent believes that the child’s self-respect and self-acceptance will be extremely damaged if the parent does not intercede. Balderdash!!! This kind of child will grow up wondering who in the blazes he is and why does he still need mommy and daddy to help him cope with life’s problems.
Helicopter parents are a mess, waiting for something to happen. They aren’t happy unless they can put their two cents in and dominate their child’s growth. I feel for the child because his self-worth will not be worth a dime as he struggles to go through life. This child will eventually marry someone who represents his mommy or daddy because he has not been allowed to break free from the parent.
To all moms and dads who remain helicopter parents, you are damaging your child. You may need to seek professional help, along with your child, to break the bonds that are suffocating your child.
You can not go wrong leading your child with Biblical Based Parenting, one verse that comes to mind is Proverbs 22:6 “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Pray and ask God what He would have you do and understanding that each child is different but the principles you teach them will always stay the same.
God bless you in this great adventure of Parenting. Those little gifts to you are from our God above. What a privilege and honor to be respected! As one Godly woman told me one day, as I was concerned about one of my children…..she looked at me and said, “don’t fret over that small stuff you want enjoy them while you have them!!!”….and you know what? I have and I am……