PARENTING – WHEN DISAPOINTMENT COMES

I hurt as I listened to the caller.  My thoughts were, "we hear this way too often". On the other end of the phone was a mother crying. Shock was what she was feeling as she poured out her heart with the facts concerning the last 24 hours.  The pain she and her husband had was more than they could bear as they heard of the trouble their child was in and the discovery of his secret lifestyle.  She wept as she remembered the events of their son’s life since his birth. The time she held him in her arms for the first time, his first day at school, sitting by his bed waiting for his fever to break. Where was this person now? .....So many questions with no answers. 

I sat still as our conversation ended.  “Quite Listening” was all I knew to give this caller that was venting pain. The question was asked, “what can you suggest for us right now?”  I searched for words of advice that would give them some kind of path of healing, an awareness of how to make the “decisions” that will be before them. It was as though they had been knocked down and now had to get up and go in for another round.  They were willing to fight for their son to the end. And at the same time, they knew they had to deal with the anger and disappointment and they could not deny it was too much for them. But there was no way out. Having no energy, they still were not about to quit. Time heals as it always does; yet they needed something to get their footing on right now, to start this new arena they never dreamed they would be in.

In my files I ran across this handout. I had used it a few years back when asked to give a session at a women’s meeting. At that time several of the families were going through the same thing my friend faced.  The subject was about Disappointment in Parenting. I did my research and prepared the following to help my friend.

Parenting is an Art not a Science:

In science, you do the same things over and over again and come up with the same results. But in art each piece is an original. Each child is an original, a unique individual, unlike any person in the whole world.  The process of child rearing is not applying a formula in order to build a product, but rather participating in the growth of a life that already contains predetermined qualities.

Parental behavior affects children:

Our beliefs and attitudes shape children’s feelings, actions and personalities. It is easy to cause “damage places” that can hurt a child’s view of God or themselves. Our earthly parenting resembles God’s care.  Our heavenly Father plays many roles in our lives, including protector, nourisher, chastener, comforter, deliverer etc.  He acted with and spoke to His children in the past and He continues to model the same fatherly attributes toward us, His children in this generation.  The book of Exodus gives us an example:

1.     God heard His children’s cries of distress as they endured slavery                  (Ex.2:24; 3:7-10)

2.     He promised to be with them (3:12-22)

3.     He protected them (11:5-7; 14)

4.     He instructed and encouraged them (14:2, 13-14)

5.     He provided for their physical nourishment (15:22-27; 16:11-21)

6.     He rebuked them (16; 28)

(And all of this before they had been on the road two months)

Your struggling child will need to hear you affirm:

1.     Your unconditional love for them (I will love you regardless);

2.     Your unqualified acceptance (you are mine and I am yours, period);

3.     Your reliability and availability (I will be there when you need me);

4.     Their importance in God’s eyes and ours (you were created for a purpose);

5.     Their worth as individuals (you are unique);

6.     Their competence and adequacy  ( give statements like “I know you can do it!”).

Living a Balanced Life with Proper Priorities:

I am convinced when we live a Balanced Life with our Priorities in order our children will have our presence and influence through out their lives. When life seems to be demanding so much, storms are raging about to take over, step back and take a look at how you are living your life in the here and now. What can you change to get you back to that DEPENDANCE on God? What is your attitude? You will be able to look back and be thankful for how your relationship grew with Father and with the child’s acting out his/her hurts. The lessons in life build us and will develop strong character. Someday you will be helping someone else get through the same thing you are going though. Who knows…. your child might one day help someone else through the wilderness they are traveling through today.  Whatever the out come of the trial you are facing, always remember….. Your life can lead the Way as you Trust God to the end...YOU ARE NOT ALONE HE IS WITH YOU!

CAMPING IN THE WOODS COME JOIN US…

Last week we got up early and decided to go camping in the woods, actually at Vogle State Park situated at Vogle Lake with mountains surrounding.  It has a very nice campground, only 24 miles from our house.  Making it an easy trip, we packed a few clothes, took the food we already had and headed out in our faithful RV.  Finishing a “hunk of work” as we call it, requiring a good bit of focus time. We love working conflict resolution in the lives of His children.  It can get overwhelming at times. We practice a rhythm such as “work/release, work/release”.  So we took some "release time" to enjoy some R&R and see the waterfall we love below the lake above…..

It had been one year to the week since we had packed our camper and rolled off the property.  Like other folk tight budget and gas prices being so high it has altered our travels. We recognized our space had become “TOO TIGHT” so we took care of that....

After arriving and selecting Lot #56, Phil finished all his work setting up our place and... was finally able to get to his chair to enjoy our relaxing time….

I finished setting up inside and got in my Camping Lafuma Chair, put it back all the way and here was my view as I read and looked at the back of my eyelids....

I discovered a tree takes on a whole different view when you sit at its base and look up at its tall growth that took years to develop its AMAZING!....

These trees surrounded us with a feeling of protection as we sat and enjoyed cooler weather and the feeling of fall soon on its way .....

Let me take you on a tour of our house on wheels….

 As you come in, on the right is our bedroom with lots of storage above and beside the bed.  The bed lifts up for storage underneath and is cedar lined.  On cool nights, with the windows open you sleep like a baby with the night sounds right outside your window.

Looking to the left is our kitchen and living area.

 My kitchen has all the conveniences of home.

I like eating in the booth with more storage under the seats, and it is used as our desk to study....

Notice the sofa behind the table, it makes into a queen size bed. Also the table will convert into a bed...

In the bathroom, a nice size shower is to the right of the lavatory. I love the large closet for all my clothes, which is a joke. Phil says he has to hurry and put his clothes in or he will not have room for his. Honestly, I really try to share making room for his but you know us girls!!!

This is a view from the bathroom looking back toward the entrance.  

While in tow, we pull the chair to the door. The electric slide pulls in almost to the sink area with a little place to squeeze by when we stop for our meal or a bathroom break while traveling.  It's so nice while traveling to stop and have all you need for rest or eating in instead of in a restaurant.  We say all these money savers give us fuel money to head anywhere in the USA to see God's creation.....

Glad you could visit us today, now Phil is waiting outside to go on a long walk lets go join him..........

OH WHAT LOVE AND CARE THE FATHER HAS FOR US!!!….

Just had to share these thoughts  with you today, it is too good to pass up!  Racing through our days they can become overwhelming, right?  I can answer for you, with a big “YES”! Can you relate to the above picture? 

 We have had a well earned phase we say around our household…. “WELL Who ain’t!!!”.   We coined that phrase many years ago after I had gone to the doctor feeling SO tired.  I was convinced I had some bad disease.  Luckily, I had a doctor that wouldn’t let me whine!  Dr. Hillsman made “great calls” on diagnosing my conditions when I would go in for a visit.  Being a pastor’s wife at the time, I had been “spinning my wheels” doing ministry.   One day I went in ready to convince him I was really coming down with “something”.   He sat listening to me with patience and full attention.  While I shared my concerns describing my symptoms, I looked at him expecting some sympathy, I said, “doctor I’m just tired”.   He looked up from my chart right at me as he was seated on his stool with his skinny little leg crossed over the other, and said…”WELL…Who ain’t!!!”.  So that day he put me in my place and gave this family a one liner we have used since then.  That one sentence with three words accomplishes just what it says.  I went away that day with a feeling of wellness, which proves it can all be in the mind.  We can buy into a lie and build on it, as I did that day, thinking something was bad wrong with me!

Well back to my morning experience.  While reading my Scripture reading for the day, and a devotional I selected, I got a telegram from God.  The message is “I AM and I am here and it’s alright, I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU, even in your overwhelming days.”  Right then I looked out my window and there it was.  It had just finished raining heavily, and then the sun began to appear for the day and Wow!

Right out my front window was a beautiful rainbow only He could put there for me.  I felt like the only person in His world at that moment and He was speaking to me.  Enjoy it with me and when you look at it, what ever you are facing, you can hear the same message for you because He does this for you too! OH HOW HE LOVES US….

YOU STRESSING? CHILL OUT HERE....

It’s Saturday morning just taking it slow with a cup of coffee and my morning read.  I’m thinking you might be somewhere trying to get it all done and in a race needing to slow down. My words to you are…CHILL OUT START HERE by stopping!

Begin by clicking here and turn your sound up…. while you read your list of ways to Reduce Stress… 

BEGIN TO PRACTICE THESE STRESS REDUCERS….

A wise saying,  "Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice." 

1. Pray

2. Go to bed on time.

3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.

4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.

5. Delegate tasks to capable others.

6. Simplify and un-clutter your life.

7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)

8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.

9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.

10. Take one day at a time.

11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it. 

12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.

3. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.

14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.    

15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.

16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.

17. Get enough rest.

18. Eat right.

19 Get organized so everything has its place.

20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.

21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.

22. Every day, find time to be alone.

23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.

24. Make friends with Godly people.

25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.

26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "Thank you Jesus."

27. Laugh.

28. Laugh some more!

29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.

30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).

31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).

32. Sit on your ego.

33 Talk less; listen more.

34. Slow down.

35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.

36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.

GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.  "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)

KEEP YOUR FOCUS…..

I love to watch the PGA Golf Tournaments.  Those guys have to be so focused to play yards away from their goal.  Think about it!  They put the ball down in its place, grab the club they carefully HAVE to select, make the swing with force behind the white round machine made idol while the crowd watches in total silence.  It flies through the air with eyes closely watching to see if the swing of the golfer matches the hole of the planned destination.  It either is a perfect hit or one that is off, off in the sand trap, water or just stopping on the edge of the hole, they must be saying “I hate it when that happens!” 

A young guy won yesterday at the Atlanta Athletic Country Club, if you are local you have driven by that place many times, its greens are manicured immaculately for the crowd to enjoy.  I like it when a young one wins getting into the arena early in his career.  Love it when they get a break passing those that we think will win just because they are suppose to.  This guy had a great comment about his day that gives us a heads up in our own lives when things goes not just like we expected them to be.  Look at how this article described his day…

In a major filled with unfamiliar names, Keegan Bradley delivered an unforgettable finish.

Bradley was five shots behind with only three holes to play after his chip shot raced across the 15th green and into the water, leading to a triple bogey. That's when he reminded himself that no lead was safe on the final four holes at Atlanta Athletic Club.

''I just kept telling myself, 'Don't let that hole define this whole tournament,''' Bradley said.

Instead, it led to one of the most stunning turnarounds in a major. Bradley made back-to-back birdies, including a 35-footer with a belly putter that rattled into the cup on the 17th.

Here is our “take away” from the article.   Did you catch what Bradley said?  This is important…....

''I just kept telling myself, 'Don't let that hole define this whole tournament,'''

Let that sink in…..Life can get so fast and crazy it is essential that we keep our FOCUS!!!

TAKE THINGS AS THEY COME....

 I love reading Oswald Chambers. Thank you Mrs Louise Anglea for giving us his famous all time devotional, “My Utmost for His Highest”, back in 1971.  You have to be enjoying Heaven, your final home.....

Ran across this quote this morning while reading My Utmost online, its really good. I want to remember it when I get hit from the rear or run head on into a wall and feeling numb by it…

This is from “Wisdom from Oswald Chambers”….

“When you are joyful, be joyful; when you are sad, be sad. If God has given you a sweet cup, don’t make it bitter; and if He has given you a bitter cup, don’t try and make it sweet; take things as they come.” From “Shade of His Hand”, 1226 L

That is the best way to live your life, that’s what I want…..

BACK TO SCHOOL DAYS!!!.........

Can't believe it is that time again.  Don’t know about you, but I am enjoying my Facebook friends posting pictures of the first day for their Kindergartner.  Their emotions  expressed makes me tear up a bit, though.  I remember when these babies were born and it seems like just yesterday. 

As I think of our children going off from home for their first day or those going back for the next year of education, I am so grateful for teachers.  Just think, they have given their lives to educate our children who will be growing up in our country and world.  Seems to me that they enjoy it better as their teachers are using their creativity to make their environment fun for learning.  It is better than when I was in my school years.  New and fun ideas sets for a non-threatening environment in the classrooms, especially on their first day going out into this big world of education.

My thoughts go out to our teachers and especially to a friend of ours who gave up her teaching career on our American soil to become a Missionary to children and teenagers in the foreign country of Romania. Because of her obedience, we were made aware of the special need and her deep burden.  These kids don’t have the privilege of a family to care for their daily needs and to share their lives.  They live on the streets and in the culverts of the city.  She is a special young lady. We respect her calling, standing behind her as she goes out caring for children who do not have a home or the privilege of an education. I was thinking the other day about the fact she is taking the classroom out there to them.   Father couldn't have chosen anyone better than Jennie O’Kelly to carry the Good News of the Gospel to this lonely community!!!  Our prayers and support are behind her and whatever you are doing today Jenny we just want you to know…. we are SO proud of you, our prayers and love go with you!!! (an added note as I was writing this she sent a note that popped up on my screen from Romania!  And in the next moment Phil was on Skype and we had a great visit as though she was right here how fun was that!!!)

I leave you with these thoughts of just how fragile our children’s lives are.  In the Development Of A Child’s Life, so much can be done in a positive way or “yes” in a negative way.  Let’s focus on the positive!

THE DEVELOPMENT OF A CHILD’S LIFE

• If a child lives with Conflict, he learns to Fight.

• If a child lives with Fear, he learns to be Apprehensive.

• If a child lives with Pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself.

• If a child lives with Ridicule, he learns to be Shy.

• If a child lives with Shame, he learns to feel Guilty.

• If a child lives with Encouragement, he learns to be Patient.

• If a child lives with Praise, he learns to be Appreciated.

• If a child lives with Acceptance, he learns to Love.

I JUST LOVE CHOCOLATE……

I just love chocolate, what girl doesn't!

That's what I had on my mind today.  You ever do that?  Get something on your mind and have to talk about it? What better place but to share here the love of the sweet stuff!!!

Waiting in line at the grocery store, what do you do?  You look over at all the many kinds of chocolate bars created over the years staring at you saying, "pick me, pick me". I took this picture the other day just to put here.  As I stood in the line at Ingle's, even though people were looking at me like I must have a strong addiction to candy to have to take a picture of that rack. 

My all time favorite is the Snickers bar.  I took it out of the package to take a picture of it but ate it before I put it down. Before I knew it I had eaten the whole thing…well you get the picture? Hum you know what I mean….

 My chocolate money bank was given to me by my friend Katie, she and her husband are missionaries to Mexico.  When they visit us on their furlough, she always makes sure to give me something unique and this one was for sure.  My money will surely go in it for my chocolate! 

 I will always remember as a child living in the city of Atlanta.  Ever so often we would go visit our aunt and uncle in Dallas, GA, they lived way out in the country.  It would be so cold we had to sleep under a layers of quilts so heavy when we kids wanted to turn over we would have to holler “shift”.  I would look off the bed and see chickens walking under the house through the cracks in the floor.  Those were the days and as I look back I cherish getting to see how it was “back then”.  I can see it now, we all would get in the car to leave and my aunt, with chewing tobacco coming out the sides of her mouth, would shout to us, “now ya’ll SAVE UP where youins’ can come back”  My mind would race thinking how we could save to get back off those asphalt streets to this country place and the slow life. “Save Up” is said often and now it fits here…I’ve got to SAVE UP to buy chocolate and got a bank to hold it!!!….. 

 

When I was in High School I would get a coke and any chocolate bar for lunch, healthy huh?

The kids love to come home for a weekend visit and you can be sure they will get a pan of my brownies more chocolate….   Oh yumm!  Can't you just reach out and pick one of these up and put it in your  mouth right now you can't beat a good brownie!!!  

And lets not forget the Chocolate Cake we have to celebrate our birthdays or for a holiday!

 When we go out for a Sunday afternoon ride I love to get a chocolate shake at the place of our choice....

So have you had enough chocolate today?  ...Thanks for joining me as I share about my chocolate cravings, bet in the next 24 hours you will have something chocolate let me hear about it!!!

 

THE RIVER FLOWS FREELY….

“Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." John 7:38

Phil and I love it when we are counseling with someone and they “GET IT”, it's like their lights come on!  They come here to Safe Place for the two-day Kairos program, for their "Divine Appointment".  When they arrive they're all bound up with negative programming from their past and the lies they believed, causing a Log Jam of their own making.  They become aware of  the causes that  halters the River of Life to flow freeing, creating a life of frustration and failure.  Holy Spirit works with them pin pointing those areas to allow Jesus to visit it with them, cleaning up and becoming “whiter than snow”.  This then gets them on track with who they are In Christ, having the Abundant Life that He died for.  We call it “Jesus Work” right on the spot. 

We have a plaque in the middle of the conference table sent here by a gal who experienced a real miracle.  She made the plaque and asks that we place it in the middle of the table facing the side of the one needing a miracle in their life. You might be one of those that placed your hand on it asking Father for a miracle to heal your life or marriage.....

 This morning while listening to Chris Tumlin sing one of his latest songs, “All My Fountains”, I was moved to write this.  In this song, it reminded me of what I am seeing happen in precious lives and experiencing in my own life.  I want to make sure I don’t have anything hindering the flow of the River in my own life.  “Holy Spirit flow through me today see if there is anything causing a log jam, keeping me from having all of  You, hindering Your work in my life”.  Ps 139:23 “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts”……..

PROUD OF OUR SOLDIERS……

Being an American, living in the Great United States, it makes me proud to see one of our soldiers out in public, dressed in uniform.  It could be in a restaurant, the Mall or at the Atlanta Airport...... 

Today I had a minute, so I looked through the many pictures we’ve taken over the years, this one stood out.  It caused me to reminisce about the day Caeden our grandson, met “ Our Heroes, The Men of Our Military”, that's how his proud Granddad introduced them to him. 

It was in July of 2007, Caeden was 5 years old then.  That was four years ago, it seems like yesterday, time does fly by!  We were waiting on someone to arrive at the airport.  Going early we were able to show him around.  It was his first time to visit the big “Atlanta Hub’ where people arrive and depart from all over the world.  It was such a fun time getting to see his big eyes get bigger as he looked around, so fascinated. As we sat eating an ice cream cone we looked over at a group of soldiers waiting to head out to do their job.  That caught Phil’s attention so he took Caeden over among them. It wasn’t long till he had gotten right in there with them.  He had lots of questions.  Nothing would do for me with the camera, but to capture that “Kodak Moment” to hold on to for the future, and today is one of those times to share with you...... 

Take a good look at these brave men (right click to enlarge). I couldn’t help think that day, these men left their families, going to another part of the world giving us freedom we have today. 

That's a day Caeden will always remember......I know his granddad and grandmom will!!!